I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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