Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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