TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
