too bad you live with your parents still
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
