you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
