My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
