someone get that fucking seahorse.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
