You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
