Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize