you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
