Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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