Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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