i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
