I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize