are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
