3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
