Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
