it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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