So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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