just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
