You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
