Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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