Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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