Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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