Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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