youre lurking in front of me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
