$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
