love makes seman taste better
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
