Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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