He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Alive.
So much puke
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
