i may or may not be watching the land before time
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
