Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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