it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
