yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
