dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
