I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
