It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So vagazzling was a success
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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