Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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