your thong is hanging out like whoa
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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