Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
