I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
