a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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