Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
