i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't turn off my feet"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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