Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
