She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
