Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
