Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
