You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."