Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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