I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
