"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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