I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
