I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
