I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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