We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
