I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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