chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.