it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew