You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.