Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go