Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Welp...herpes.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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