Already got asked if we're dating
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
