My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
