fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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