I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
