Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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