I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
