Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I touched a dick in church today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
