Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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