new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
