I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
