Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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