oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
