she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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