So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
