splinters make it hard to masturbate
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
