he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
