this boner is exhausting
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
