He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
MIDGETS
????
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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