i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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