Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
