the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
